Perfectionism

By the end of this conversation the student will be able to define and understand the causes of perfectionism, discuss the consequences of perfectionism, identify areas in their lives where they are striving for perfection, identify additional resources to learn more about perfectionism.

Introduction

What is perfectionism? A person with perfectionist tendencies has high standards for themselves and others, and could easily become distraught if standards/expectations are not met.

Distinction between being a perfectionist and being high-achieving Both aim for an excellent outcome. However, the perfectionist is absorbed with end results and doesn’t really enjoy the journey of getting there.

What are the causes of perfectionism?

Biological Factors

There is a correlation between perfectionism and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). However:
- Not all perfectionists have OCD
- Not all people with OCD are perfectionists

Environmental Factors

Having a fixed mindset
- People with a fixed mindset avoid failure at all cost and require consistent positive feedback to affirm they’re capable.
Sensationalism of success and failure
- Heroes and ‘geniuses’ in society are often portrayed as naturally gifted, rather than as people who have had to work hard and overcome failure in their lives. The media perpetuates this stereotype.
Fear of disappointment or feelings of insecurity/inadequacy
- Many perfectionists have a fear of disappointing their parents, friends, other loved ones, and/or other people in general. This fear often stems from having been labelled as ‘gifted’, ‘clever’ or as a ‘star performer’ as a child, which can cause people to believe they are only valued for their achievements and not as their intrinsic selves. Being labelled as ‘gifted or ‘highly talented’’ can also cause people to feel pressure to live up to others’ high expectations and as a result constantly fear disappointing people.

Cultural factors For historically underserved people, perfectionism might be a natural result of trying to reach a high standard in order to compete with who typically excels in organizations. As campuses and organizations work toward more authentically diverse environments, this challenge might weigh on people less - but for the time being, it is a common reason for perfectionism that should not be overlooked.

How do perfectionist tendencies manifest themselves?

Education/workplace: taking longer to complete a task to aim for flawless performance/results
Relationships: placing unrealistic standards on loved ones which would cause stress
Environment/surroundings: needing the physical space to be tidy or be in line with a specific aesthetic
Hygiene and Health: such as feeling compelled to stick to a diet, etc.
Physical appearance: worrying excessively over one own’s physical appearance
Social Media: striving to portray an “everything is going great” picture of one’s life

Specific instances of perfectionism include:

Spending 30 minutes writing and rewriting a short email
Believing that missing 2-3 points on an exam is a sign of failure
Dropping a class or delaying a task because it’s pointless to make an effort unless you can achieve perfection
Avoiding trying a new activity with friends for fear of being shown up as less than perfect
Having difficulty being happy for others’ successes
Constantly comparing oneself to others and feeling inadequate or jealous of others

Discussion

Why can being a perfectionist be harmful to one’s mental health and well-being?

Overall negative impact to mental health - with greater risk of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts
Worries about tiny mistakes create unnecessary stress, frustration, and low self-esteem
Impediment of personal development by not seeking learning
Development of a sense of self-loathing by reinforcing the belief of “not good enough”
Problems with relationships: few close or long-term relationships, as the perfectionist relies solely on their own goals and keeping people at an emotional distance
Are you seeing any of these consequences show up in your daily life?

How can we identify if you or others are suffering from perfectionism?

You think in all-or-nothing terms (something is either bad or perfect)
You have demanding standards for yourself and others
You have trouble completing a project/task because you think there’s something more you can do to make it better
Your self-confidence depends on what you accomplish and how others react to you
You tend to ruminate (think about it a lot) on something you messed up on
You avoid situations or procrastinate where you think you might not excel
Do any of these feel true to you?

What are some strategies to reframe and overcome perfectionism? Consider the following strategies for inspiration:

develop growth mindset